the things we say out of anger...

As hard as I try, I can not be happy living with my ex. He is annoying and self centered, but more importantly...I just feel as though he shoves his lack of feelings for me in my face. It is getting worse and worse as he is starting to date. The things he is doing for and saying to these girls is ridiculous, but it also reminds me that he did none of it for me.

I do not want to be with him and I don't regret breaking up with him for one moment. But, why did I stay and keep trying for so long when he never even cared. Why did he ask me to stay and let him change? He didn't ever want me. Now it is years wasted and we are stuck in this apt. together.

Tonight, he called me a fat bitch and told me I was worthless. He said I took advantage of him and bullied him around the whole time. That hurt...I never got anything out of him and anyone who knows us would agree. No money, no gifts, no help, no companionship, no empathy, no sex, no physical touch whatsoever, and no understanding. I gave love, time, energy, as much empathy as one can give, money, gifts, companionship...I tried to give it all, but one person can not keep a relationship going.

I can move...that is fine. But, I am still the one who feels so bad for people that I would stay just so he didn't struggle even though it is not what I want or can handle. I have to just start working on taking care of myself, not anyone else. He is an adult and he can take care of himself...if not, he can figure something out.