What did I get myself into?...

I was awoke this evening in quite a pleasant manner, so I really don't mind. It's nice to know you are wanted, even if it comes in the form of an early morning text :) - thanks pickle. Anyway, Amy and I joked about it earlier but for real...a little nervous about K. 


Got a text tonight from him saying he broke up with the girl in TX. Okay, background...K recently told me he left MN to go to TX. He was a little shady on the details, but I knew something was up. So, I pushed but was only able to get info when I agreed to let him talk to me on the phone. Come to find out, he left MN to go to TX to get back with his ex. Once there, he realized he had made a terrible mistake. Also said, would have come to me if I'd asked. Well, first of all, I do not really know him at all. Second, I am physically involved with someone and not interested since K wants marriage and babies. 


Now, I have been home all week sick with the flu and K texts and calls me daily. I said, if you don't like her you should stop seeing her. He expressed a fear of being alone with nothing in TX since he had spent his money getting there and taken off of school and given up his apt.  I certainly can appreciate his trepidations, but come on. I am not one to talk b/c I have certainly stayed in bad situations too long, but I learned from that and will not do it again. So, I figured...man up...leave. 


Ok, now onto this evening when I get the call...I said, wow it is late for you to call (9:30 pm - she is generally home from work so we don't talk after 7pm - yeah nice, I know) and he said he ended it and she left. I was shocked. He then said he didn't know what he was going to do. And if I didn't have my roommate aka ex, he could come here...ah no!!!! Then he said, I could go to RCTC...that is the college in this city...ah double no!!!!  This is fascinating since I just told him tonight that I should come clean about N and D and I am not looking for anything serious. He said okay, we can just be friends.


Then he went online and said, if I don't come up with a plan by Monday I will be out on the streets, so I may have to get a shopping cart for my things.  Great, anyone who knows me realizes I am a fucking bleeding heart liberal who thinks she can save the whole mother fucking world. I said, I do not want this guilt of worrying. I hope you didn't do this for me...he said, it's okay I am just getting prepared for what is going to happen until I can come see you. Heysus people...are you kidding me? 


I don't think I am picking up what he is throwing down...I don't want to - lol. He is freaking me out. He knows I do not want a baby right now, or a bf, or most certainly a husband. And he doesn't even know me. I mean, I think I am smart and nice...probably fairly easy to get along with if I like you...not ugly, getting a better body all the time - but shit, I can be a bitch. I can be completely unreasonable. I am not perfect and I don't pretend to be. He builds me up so big and he has never seen me. He doesn't know what "makes me tick", what makes me smile, what makes me ...well, you get the idea.



I miss my normal fucked up life because I just have this feeling he is going to end up here and bother me and make me feel guilty or kill me - lol. I have sort of had it with men who are married - oh yeah, he is too. So, how did he plan to start this perfect make believe life with me? Good question!!!!


Harry, done but still wish I would have gotten some more than I did. Kevin done, glad I never did anything with him...he is a clinger and would likely fall in love.


Tonight, I learned I am grateful for the great thing I have going with my chemical romance, and I reinforced that I am NOT ready for a relationship.


Wow - how do I get out of this one without being a bitch. I can ignore some calls b/c I am sick...but then what? Grrrr....note to self - you don't always have to be so nice to strangers even when they give you the attention you thought you wanted. 


E