mutha fucka....

I can not even express my rage in an intelligent manner right now, so I am about to get  trashy up in hur...


Matt is a mother fucker! Ya know, it is really my fault that I stayed with him so long. I don't even know why I did...okay, I do. I felt sorry for him. He is helpless and I know he has some emotional issues that kept me trying to be supportive. But there is only so much you can do when people don't want to help themselves. Also, I forgot the most important thing when trying to make it work - I WAS NOT HAPPY! Not at all.


In the 3.5 years, he never supported me emotionally, physically, or financially. In fact, I paid for nearly everything (he didn't even help with utilities). He paid $400/mo even when the house we were in was $1350.00/mo + util. I never complained b/c I knew he made less money. But when I needed anything - he would not help. For example, if I wanted him to run to the store for me - nope! 


We didn't even sleep together. We had separate rooms the entire time we lived together. I went for almost a year with no physical contact from him. Now that I am having fun w/ pickle...can't even go two weeks without wanting to jump his bones. How did I do it? I will tell you, after a long time of being rejected and told no you just stop asking and caring. You get numb. But before that process there is a lot of swearing, throwing things, fighting, screaming, threatening, and crying. 


Worst part...he masturbated all the time and now tells me he may be gay. Thanks for wasting 3.5 years of my life and making me feel like a piece of shit for wanting to cheat on your stupid ass every fucking time I saw anyone with a dick!


Today I am sick. I asked him to go get me juice - nope. Then he comes home today and tries to shut my bedroom door. I told him to leave it open because I needed some air. He said "but, oh...germs" (good time to mention he has OCD and Anxiety Disorder) and I said, "tough shit, then move out!"  Why won't he leave? He is ruining my life. If only I would have broken up with him in April instead of May!  We would not be living together.


My chemical romance and sweet daddy both refuse to come see me here as long as he is living here...I say F THAT...get your ass over here and let's do what we do best...I want him to hear it!!!!  Sad thing is, it wouldn't even bother him...he still wouldn't leave. But why should I suffer? I have a hot tub here...that is hot!  Could make for a fun night and my bed has not seen any action - EVER!!!  


FUCK!!!!!  I am so pissed and sick of giving and not getting shit in return. I am now going to be a bitch...he is leaving one way or another!  This is my mother fucking apartment!!!!!   


AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH - I need some release!


Punch him in the face if you ever see him!  And tell him to move!!!!