I am the unluckiest lucky girl in the world...

In between the sleeping and the tears today, I have come to realize some blessings I have in the form of  special people in my life.

Brian: you are my brother and my best friend. I don't remember a lot about my childhood, but most of what I do remember included you. I remember it always being the two of us, whether it was video games, hot wheels, or playing in furniture boxes from trade mart. You have grown to be a man I am proud of . You are a good brother, a good friend, a wonderful husband, and you will be a great dad. You are not our father, and it broke my heart when you lost your baby. I know you will have great things because you are one of a kind and anyone who knows you loves you.

Cyndi: You are my best friend. You made me realize that when you love someone you do anything for them even if it is not easy for you. You taught me to step outside of my comfort zone to do something for someone just because it is more important for them to be happy than it is for you to be comfortable. I have always done things for others out of guilt that has been thrown my way. You are the one person who has never left me, not even for a moment. I love you very much. You are a good wife and mother, but also a good friend. You never gave me less when you had to give others more. I am so proud of you and what you have provided the girls...so much so that if I am ever lucky enough to be a mother, you will be the one I go to for daycare. You have gotten me through the worst moments of my life. You keep me sane, when I withdraw...you never back off. You keep it real with me and I love that about you. You aren't scared of me!!!!  Thanks for never giving up on me.

Ashley: You were a lovely surprise. The girl who looked so mean is actually the nicest person I have met at work. You have shown in a short amount of time that friendship can be and is reciprocated. You have done so much for me and always bring a smile to my face. You are so beautiful, and almost everyday I forget your birthage is so young. You are so smart and mature. I am proud of you for sticking with the exercise and the running. We have lost so much weight together because we are a great team. I am glad you have an apt in Roch now...I look forward to some us time with Staebler :-)

Karin: Strubbie dub dub. You always make me laugh. You are very real with me and I appreciate that. You tell it like it is, and you are always there to support me. I am glad that you trust me too. We have shared so much over the years, and I am grateful that we are still such great friends though we don't see each other often. I will make efforts to see you more because I miss you. I hope you know that I trust
you with all my secrets.

Shooter: Kate, even though you decided to not be friends anymore...I still love you and miss you with all of my heart. Some of my best memories are with you. You are beautiful and you cracked me up several times a day. You were the friend I could go out with or stay home and do nothing with and have just as much fun either way. Who else would sit and watch my insomnia provoked VHS tapes of television and country video snippets? I hope we can be friends again, I miss you terribly and I am sorry that I couldn't be what you wanted. I isolate and people have to push to see me or talk to me. I am not proud of that and I try to change, but I am messed up...I am so sorry.

Sarah: Grandma. I love you for always being my voice of reason. I am so proud of your family. You found a wonderful husband and have 3 beautiful children. You are the most beautiful person I know inside and out, and you have really made a wonderful life for yourself. Thanks for accepting me even though I am a little rowdy and vulgar for your tastes. You have always accepted me, thank you.

Jen: Doogie - you are a wonderful woman and now you are a mother! I am so glad that you found yourself and allowed someone to love you. I am so sorry that you lost both of your parents. They were both wonderful people, and you should have been able to keep them for longer. I believe you are a strong woman, and I admire you very much. I hope to see you soon, but again am glad that you didn't ever give up on me when I give so little.

Brandon: nodnarB, I love you. Plain and simple - you are a great friend. I am so happy that you found someone, you deserve it and Jimi is a lucky man!  I know we will always be friends. Thank you for accepting me and loving me.

Nathan: I love you. You have been a big part of my life for many years now. You accept me. You hold me. You make me laugh. I appreciate that you share your life with me. I know it isn't easy for you to share personal issues. I will never ever judge you for your past, and I appreciate that you don't judge me for mine. I hope we have a healthy future because you are my heart and I don't know how I would ever let you go. To think of that is terrifying for me. You have always been the one to help me get through my hard times. I never want to lose your friendship or your love. Where we end up in this relationship is a mystery, but I hope we can figure it out soon.

Emily: Emo, you are my first niece. And I shouldn't have favorites, so I will never say that :-) But, you are such a great girl. You are my friend. You cheer me up and you make me laugh. I would die for you and do anything for you if I knew it was the best thing for you. You also break my heart. I want the best for you and it hurts to see the roads you travel. I don't blame you...life has taken a huge shit on you. But, I am always here for you. I will NEVER stop loving you...EVER!!! Please be your best...life is yours to take. You are smart, funny, beautiful, and so much more. Don't sell yourself short!

Chad: You are the male me!  What else can I say? You are like the perfect boyfriend without the drama. You are one of my best friends and I feel like we were just supposed to meet and be friends. We are so much alike, it is scary!  But awesome. I love that we have the same taste in music. You may be the first person that I have met that did!  I have since met a few more, but rest assured...you are the first cool music guy. You are the best husband, Cyndi is so lucky (well so are you)...and you have been doing a great job raising to awesome girls!  You have seen me at my best and worst and loved me just the same. I love you.

Charlie: You can be an interesting one...but you are like my brother. You make me laugh and I really do care about you. You have always been a good friend, and I am lucky to know I will have you in my life for a long time.

Michelle: Woody, I love you. You are my first real friend. We have had our ups and downs, but here we are. I look forward to reconnecting. I am so proud of how far you have come. You are beautiful and I love you.

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for all of you. You have taught me love, patience, and understanding. I am so grateful. I know I don't trust or like many people, but I am okay with that. I have all of you, and I couldn't feel more love if I had 100 friends. I know I am hard to love. I know I don't put forth effort. I know I am jaded. I know I don't trust. But I try, and that is the best I can do. Please don't ever give up on me.

Full of hope,
E