our story...

So, N is one of my closest friends in the world. I really do love him so much. Even thinking about losing him makes it hard to breathe. I met him over 10 years ago at work. He was one of the newbies, and I instantly liked him because he was not like everyone else. A little dorky, but that is what I go for. I thought his name was Jeff and quickly told people at work I was going to get Jeff. 

He would come to my desk often and oh my lord, I was trying so hard to impress him and never got any response. Then one night a co-worker said that I should come out because some work people were going out and Jeff might come. Well I was in! Got there and saw him right away, talking to another girl - boo!  Sara said, "well I don't see Jeff but he will be here". I said, "he is right there"...and she was like, "oh gosh - Elisa, that is Nathan" (he still teases me about this blunder). Funny because that is so typical of me to get something in my head and go with it. So, I went to the bar to get a drink and he was standing with my friend Bill. I heard him say, "she is so beautiful". Of course I only wished he was talking about me. I played it cool, and said "hi guys". 

Later, on the dance floor he came up to me and asked if I knew his name. I smiled and said I did now :) Then he asked if I had a ride home, I lied and said no...he offered and I started plotting. Right when we got into his car he asked me how long I've been at Mayo, etc. Sadly, he was surprised to learn I had a degree from a 4 year...at this point I was an admin assistant and apparently, they are stupid and uneducated. He is uber smart, so I was turned on instantly. Back at my place the rest is history. He me me feel incredible...I have never felt so in tune with another person, and he seemed as though he wanted to melt right into me and couldn't get enough.

We continued to see each other, but no commitment. I wanted it with him, but he would slip in and out of my life. This continues to this day, though he promises me he is not going anywhere. 

Since N, I have had two relationships. J - just over 3 years. He was a drug user and couldn't stay out of jail or keep out of other girls. Then there was M - the current roomie who I was with for 3.5 years even though there was nothing physical between us. Throughout both in the 7 years or so, I stayed in touch with N. Then, this May he sent me a text saying he was sorry that he hasn't been in touch but he didn't know how to deal with the distance between us or the fact that I had a family. He thought I was married to M and we had a kid - lmao. What is was, is I lived with M and my niece Emily was living with us for awhile. 

I sent him a text back saying there was no family, where are you, and M and I are not really together and in separate rooms. So, we continued where we left off and met a few days later. I ended up staying in a hotel with him and realized I still loved him, and I needed to end it with M. Problem = M and I were going to California the very next day. M found out I was with a guy and didn't want to go to CA. In the end, he went but I told him I thought it was over. I told him about N. He wanted to work it out. I tried, but kept talking to N. Nothing changed so I ended it a few weeks later. Went to NYC with N and learned he cared about me as much as I care about him. However, he still can't commit.

With promises of 2010 trips and a visit at Christmas...all I can do is wait and see what happens. One thing's for sure. I am telling him how I feel. But there someone else in the picture now that I don't want to give up. Still, if N had a female D, I would die...