Satan is my motor...

Today I am excited that someone is challenging me mentally, and that they are exposing me to new things. This is something I crave on a daily basis, but often remain hungry for information. I do believe that I am quite the knowledge base when it comes to music, art, and movies...still, there is so much great stuff out there that is generally only known through 'word of mouth'. My current circles at times offer me a nugget or gem, but this new wealth of music is outstanding!  I have been readily researching and experiencing as much as I can lately. If you were looking at me know, there would be a grateful smile shining bright in your direction.


Today, I am also feeling thankful for wonderful moments with someone I enjoy and hope to continue getting to know better. I am happy to be comfortable in my own skin and proud of decisions I make. Though I am not always proud of the fact that, at times, I still struggle to put the needs or wants of others first. So, I am sorry that I was disrespectful in my blissful state of being. And I am sorry I didn't tell you about it, just as I am sorry I may never tell you about it...as, this is one of those things I will keep with me because it is mine and I desire to hold it close - again my selfish desire to relive it alone.


I feel excited for a date tomorrow with this great person (A). Butterflies in the belly in anticipation of his reaction to me - am I a bait and switch? I sure hope not!!!!  Will he think I am funny? Will he think I am cute? Is he going to accept that I am a dirty bird? Will he make me laugh?  Will he be himself and not try too hard? Can we talk and also sit in silence? Will he bring something new to my day?  I hate dates! I hate relationships! I want to meet people! I want to click with someone! I want to share physical space and energy with someone, but I don't want to grow more tired and cynical...don't promise me love, just promise me that right now this is exactly where you want to be!!!!


I know people that don't like when they aren't the ones to make a discovery. I like that I am opposite. I love when someone turns me on to something new and exciting - it makes me feel that there is a reason people come into our lives! As of late, I am blessed...but too much too soon is never a good thing. Will I skip to the end or let the stories play out? Mr. Brightside playing in my mind right now  - cynicism creeps in slowly...


Never a dull moment!!!!


E